don't panic

detoxing! not from drugs, well, not from illegal drugs or anything. I've been taking a pill called Cymbalta that has run my mind for me for the past few months. don't get me wrong, I wasn't like a zombie and didn't mean things I said. but I def lost a noticable, and crucial spark in my life that I've always had. right now is about the 5th or 6th day I've gone without taking said medicine.

I'm jumping the gun. let me explain.

Cymbalta is an anti-depressant.
I am NOT depressed, I was prescribed it to help what was once crippling anxiety and panic attacks. I haven't had a panic attack in 6 months. something that was a daily occurance, and controled my life and made me so miserable. the Cymbalta can definitely be accreditted to helping me defeat anxiety. but I think it did enough and I can control it on my own now. and. even if it can't, I'd rather be anxious and have my own mind then calm and dull.

anyway, like I was saying, when you stop taking it, for some reason during the withdrawl it literally is just as bad as an opiate. I feel sudden jolts in my brain, almost like lighting striking in my head, but it doesn't even hurt I just feel it. or maybe feeling nuerons being pushed or pulled threw a synapse. its really hard to explain, but boring story short it last about 2 weeks, I'm half there and it only gets worse. I'm so dizzy that I can't even leave my bed, I feel like the weightless feeling you get the second you start dropping on a rollercoaster........every 5 minutes. its really the most intense thing I've ever experienced in my life. I'm smoking weed right now because its the only thing that can cover the symptoms of the withdrawel. cold turkey rules.


but in much sicker news. I'm going to be going out with Endwell Nov. 5th-17th on their tour with As Blood Runs Black, Terror, On Broken Wings, Endwell and even Emmure on some dates, hahah. seriously.
I'm so stoked to go, I'm just doing merch but I need a mini vacation, need some open road and freedom from this island. its going to be dope. I'm smoking a bowl under my covers posting this from my phone.

ily

" loved ones"

Sit across from you, why are we even here?
There is no way to make up for the 20 years.
I love trying to make conversation when I could careless of what you're
doing,
what are you doing? And I know you never cared 'till now.
All my days go back to when you would scream.
And it froze me.
Guess the screaming runs in the family.
You look tired and run-down. Are you even excited to see your baby boy?
Put a razor to the skin 'till we don't resemble each other anymore.
Sit across from you, why are we even here?
There is no way to make up for the 20 years.
So now I see the tears welling up, finally you care I've waited all my life
for this.
It's always been over, its always been over for us.
A single tear, a last resort for all who've never felt.
Sit across from you, why are we even here?
There is no way to make up for these 20 years.
If I could flip this table I'd stab you with every word that lied its way
out of your head.

ptw