wow.

seriously, look. look at this. look at my last post. and how i swore id stick to this. im a god damn liar and a snake.

"coffin nails"
they may not be my friends but they are my brothers.
we may be going to hell but we'll be going together.
just how much things have changed with time,
has really started to blow my mind,
and i couldn't win at friggin losing.
the only thing thats changed is my excuses,
the only prize ive gained is other losers.
another day, another nail, a pound of flesh lumped on the scale,
my light at the end of the tunnel was just a trick of the eye.
im neck deep in a hole ive dug with every word ive said and
every face ive loved, i think ill hit that alarm and just roll back in my grave.
swimming like a brick in an ocean of fucked, waiting for death like a friggin bus.
im scraping the barrel just to poison my mind.
my hearts barely beating and my brain is shot this piss poor outlooks all i got.
the man said "boy all that sex and booze is gonna kill you."
and i said "man i sure hope so, it would be a bitch to think i was wasting all this time."

but dude, this is SO relevant,

i cant believe im posting on here. this is amazing, its 2010...since the last time i posted i joined a band on virgin records...crazy..ive been on tv, radio, big giant concerts...crazy shit...though, not much has changed since my little bastard ramblings from 2 years ago. crazy! ily.

but thats life

letsjustforgeteverythingsaid.and.everythingwedid.bestfriends.betterhalves.
goodbyes.andtheautumnnightwhenwerealizedwewerefallingoutoflove.
thereweresomethingsthatweresaid.thatwerentmeant.
likeweneverdid.nottobe.overlydramatic.ijustthinkitsbest.
causeyoucantmisswhatyouforget.

if youre hating where you are, just look at where i am

seriously going to go for a rock of love with daisy casting call right now. i was casted through myspace, got a message from the CD and gave her my number whatnot, spoke to her on the phone when i was im texas. a few days later im going to meet her and do an on camera interview haha.

let me be your rock of love.

places to go

on tour right now. its been raining every fucking day pretty much. fun as hell though, get to see terror every night. ( who also just drove past us and mooned us about 5 minutes ago )

I don't miss home at all I wish I could always be on tour or just anything that's an excuse to be away. I like being where no one knows my name.

can't wait to get to texas.

the only thing im sure of

is that im not sure of a fucking thing

don't panic

detoxing! not from drugs, well, not from illegal drugs or anything. I've been taking a pill called Cymbalta that has run my mind for me for the past few months. don't get me wrong, I wasn't like a zombie and didn't mean things I said. but I def lost a noticable, and crucial spark in my life that I've always had. right now is about the 5th or 6th day I've gone without taking said medicine.

I'm jumping the gun. let me explain.

Cymbalta is an anti-depressant.
I am NOT depressed, I was prescribed it to help what was once crippling anxiety and panic attacks. I haven't had a panic attack in 6 months. something that was a daily occurance, and controled my life and made me so miserable. the Cymbalta can definitely be accreditted to helping me defeat anxiety. but I think it did enough and I can control it on my own now. and. even if it can't, I'd rather be anxious and have my own mind then calm and dull.

anyway, like I was saying, when you stop taking it, for some reason during the withdrawl it literally is just as bad as an opiate. I feel sudden jolts in my brain, almost like lighting striking in my head, but it doesn't even hurt I just feel it. or maybe feeling nuerons being pushed or pulled threw a synapse. its really hard to explain, but boring story short it last about 2 weeks, I'm half there and it only gets worse. I'm so dizzy that I can't even leave my bed, I feel like the weightless feeling you get the second you start dropping on a rollercoaster........every 5 minutes. its really the most intense thing I've ever experienced in my life. I'm smoking weed right now because its the only thing that can cover the symptoms of the withdrawel. cold turkey rules.


but in much sicker news. I'm going to be going out with Endwell Nov. 5th-17th on their tour with As Blood Runs Black, Terror, On Broken Wings, Endwell and even Emmure on some dates, hahah. seriously.
I'm so stoked to go, I'm just doing merch but I need a mini vacation, need some open road and freedom from this island. its going to be dope. I'm smoking a bowl under my covers posting this from my phone.

ily